tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31310172011-07-15T14:17:58.648-07:00My trailer is bigger than your trailerThe mishaps, haps, and daily ramblin's of a simple trailer trash family.justhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16019551522874965446noreply@blogger.comBlogger4111100tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3131017.post-27971755360338030752008-07-05T04:06:00.000-07:002008-07-05T04:07:50.221-07:00I know we ain't been on this here contraption fer a coon's age but, lordy, I couldn't not tell y'all bout Hurricane Bertha!Berthahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07603623418793840534noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3131017.post-39727910130610730462007-08-18T07:58:00.000-07:002007-08-18T08:02:50.649-07:00What's Been Happ'nWell, y'all we finally did move out the old trailer park, but we's still in Louisiana. Couldn't move outta the best state in the union! But only me and Little King and Cletus T. done moved on account a we don't know where Festus Joe is. Course we reckon he got took by them space aliens again. No other reason we can come up with that he'd just up and disappear on us. And we Berthahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07603623418793840534noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3131017.post-39561445416464572292007-08-16T06:57:00.000-07:002007-08-16T07:02:33.026-07:00Fer Criminy Sakes!I gots to tell all y'all that we been buzier 'an a one-legged man in a arse kickin contest, but that ain't no excuse for not gettin on to this here contrapshun and keepin all y'all up to date. I will tell all y'all, tho, that I sure did miss comin here and puttin our ramblin's up fer the whole world to see.But I reckon I picked a good -- and sad -- day to come back. I'm sure allBerthahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07603623418793840534noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3131017.post-1124277784945330232005-08-17T04:21:00.000-07:002005-08-17T04:23:04.953-07:00Here We Is!I reckon y'all are thinkin we just up and moved out the trailer park. Well, I'm tellin' y'all we's still here and I gots an explanashun bout why we ain't been here to our ramblin's in more 'an a coon's age.In case some a y'all was thinkin we got blowed away in one a them there hurricanes, let me put yer minds at ease. We must live in the luckiest trailer park in all a Louisiana on Berthahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07603623418793840534noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3131017.post-1114123431754151772005-04-21T15:41:00.000-07:002005-04-21T15:43:51.756-07:00Still hereIt's been purt near a coon's age since I been here to our ramblin's so I got me to thinkin that I best let y'all know all is well down to the trailer park.We hopes to be her more reglar one a these days but we ain't quite sure when.Keep comin back, tho, on account a y'all never knows when we'll be here.sBerthahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07603623418793840534noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3131017.post-1111245144704342762005-03-19T07:07:00.000-08:002005-03-19T07:12:24.706-08:00Back aginI gots to pologize agin fer not bein here fer more'n a coon's age but we just gots us lots a stuff goin on down to trailer park. But I promise we's goin to try to get here more regular from now on.Onto some news fer y'all.Over to Australia a minister feller aims to give his services nekkid. I reckon that gives new meanin to "barin yer soul fer the Lord."Then, over to Holland, a feller Berthahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07603623418793840534noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3131017.post-1095978261865272702004-09-23T15:21:00.000-07:002004-09-23T15:24:21.866-07:00We's back!
Thanks to them right fine and smart folks at blogger support we's back. I reckon we's gonna be here much as we can be with all them hurricanes hitting us every couple a weeks. But we's all fine and dandy down here to the trailer park. Seems ol' Frances and Ivan didn't want no part a us. But we's still got our fingers crossed hopin Jeanne and Karl don't come down to the trailer park Berthahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07603623418793840534noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3131017.post-1095731016709292192004-09-20T18:42:00.000-07:002004-09-20T18:43:36.710-07:00Folks has been sayin they can't git to these here ramblin's and I don't rightly know why.
Berthahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07603623418793840534noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3131017.post-1091166942888046562004-07-29T22:47:00.000-07:002004-07-29T22:55:42.886-07:00Thinking Cap Thursday
Bertha Mae is all the time tellin me I don't got my thinkin cap on. I'm aimin to show her that ain't true.
Summer Nites - Look at me I'm Sandra Dee - Beauty School Dropout -- Them is all things Large Marge down to the diner says. She's all the time talkin bout them summer nites when she weren't so large and she used to look a bit like that there Sandra Dee. And she's all Festushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04407293286909019195noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3131017.post-1089095968350175042004-07-05T23:34:00.000-07:002004-07-05T23:40:35.043-07:00Bertha Mae done told me I needed to git onto this here contraption and tell y'all bout our Fourth of July celebrashun. We done had ourselves a good ol' American-style cook-out with all the possum a body could eat. We done had us some watermelon and had a seed spittin contest. That new feller who moved in a few trailers down from us done won the contest but it weren't no serprize. He don't got no Festushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04407293286909019195noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3131017.post-1089095271463211942004-07-05T23:22:00.000-07:002004-07-05T23:31:09.933-07:00Monday Madness
'Tis Monday once again! This week we're going to try some more 'fill-in-the-blanks' questions.....
1. I usually clean my house on Saturday, or about every 30 days.
2. My favorite Sunday night program to watch on television is NASCAR or wrasslin.
3. Monday morning I usually waking up thinking, "I hope the welfare folks don't catch up to Festus Joe."
4. To wind down at the end of aBerthahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07603623418793840534noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3131017.post-1089094695789287452004-07-05T23:15:00.000-07:002004-07-05T23:18:15.790-07:00That's All Right
Did y'all know July the 5th is the anniversary a The King recordin his very first record? Well it is and we's havin a big ol celebrashun down here to the trailer park on account a the big day. Little King is puttin on a show fer free just so's he can sing "That's All Right" over an over. Ain't no one gittin tired a hearin yet neither. Just goes to show y'all that boy sure can Berthahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07603623418793840534noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3131017.post-1088941036384999562004-07-04T04:22:00.000-07:002004-07-05T23:12:07.043-07:00'Blast from the Past':
1. Your nic name, if any when you were younger.
Folks used to call me BM. I didn't like that too powerful much. I also had some folks callin me Bertie. I didn't like that much better.
2. Your favorites as a kid, tv shows, movies, music,
games, cartoons, foods...etc...
We didn't have no tv back then and didn't have no money fer movies or music. But I do recollect playin a Berthahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07603623418793840534noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3131017.post-1087058485448036252004-06-12T09:37:00.000-07:002004-06-12T09:41:25.446-07:00Ronald Reagan
We done got our television workin long enuff to watch President Reagan's funeral. The parts I done liked best was when folks was talkin about funny things that happened or that the president done said. I speshully liked the story his daughter told bout her goldfish dyin. And I liked the story Dubya told bout the boy who wanted money to clean up his bedroom.
R.I.P Mr. President
Berthahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07603623418793840534noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3131017.post-1086697744907998762004-06-08T05:22:00.000-07:002004-06-08T05:29:04.906-07:00TV Tuesday
1. Do you watch daytime talk TV? If so, which shows do you watch? Do you prefer the calm shows like Oprah or the wilder side like Jerry Springer?
Down here to the trailer park we just loves Jerry Springer! Some a our relashuns been on that there show. We gots to watch so we don't miss no one we know. I watch me some Okra Whitney every now and then too.
2. Which daytime talk TV show Berthahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07603623418793840534noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3131017.post-1086626630286072802004-06-07T09:39:00.000-07:002004-06-07T09:43:50.286-07:00Green Sweat
I ain't been givin y'all news stories fer it seems like a coon's age. But I gots one fer y'all today. Seems this feller over to China gots green sweat and no doctors knows why. Course I ain't no expert on space aliens like ol' Festus Joe but I reckon that there green sweat might have somethin to do with them aliens. Soon as Festus Joe gits back from target shootin with Bubba J and Berthahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07603623418793840534noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3131017.post-1086575409476058962004-06-06T19:27:00.000-07:002004-06-06T19:30:09.476-07:00Ronald Reagan
I got me to thinkin I should come to these here ramblin's and say sumthin bout President Reagan passin away but I just rightly don't know what to say about the feller 'cept Rest in Peace.Festushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04407293286909019195noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3131017.post-1085339004444091352004-05-23T11:59:00.000-07:002004-05-23T12:03:24.443-07:00The First Four
I just knowed tellin ol' Festus Joe I wouldn't make him no more a my famus condoleezza rice casserole would git him up out that bed and here to these ramblin's!
Anyhow, here's my first four:
Tom Cruise
1.dancin round in his underpants
2.showin that there football player the money
3.sayin Kmart sucks
4.married to a woman who was taller 'n purtier 'n him
Berthahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07603623418793840534noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3131017.post-1085338747939339732004-05-23T11:56:00.000-07:002004-05-23T11:59:07.940-07:00Still here
Bertha Mae done told me I had to git up off the bed and git to these here ramblin's fore folks started thinkin she clobbered me with a broom handle and buried out back of the trailer. So's y'all know, Festus Joe Shark is alive and well. Mayhaps well ain't the right word seein as how I'm still down in my back an all. But I'm alive.
Festushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04407293286909019195noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3131017.post-1085280702752568112004-05-22T19:47:00.000-07:002004-05-22T19:51:42.753-07:00Andy Kaufman
Once agin I gots to 'pologize to y'all fer not gettin' to these here ramblin's fer so long. But I gots a darn good excuse this time. Down here to the trailer park we was helpin' a feller figger out how to tell folks he done faked his own death 20 years ago. That feller is Andy Kaufman.
He's been down here to the trailer park fer years but done told us we couldn't say nuthin til he Berthahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07603623418793840534noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3131017.post-1073833751451969592004-01-11T07:09:00.000-08:002004-01-11T07:10:57.826-08:00The First Four
What are the first four things you think of when I say
Lawyers
1.Rich folks who makes lots a money
2.Folks who would get Festus Joe in hot water with the welfare if they seen him doin' work on account he's supposed to be down in his back and not able to work
3.Folks who wears fancy suits
4.Folks who talks so's no regler folks can understand what they're sayin
Berthahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07603623418793840534noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3131017.post-1073597066994264192004-01-08T13:24:00.000-08:002004-01-08T13:26:09.606-08:00Here's a news story fer y'all that I done read here.
A former Bakersfield food distributor has been fined $10,000 and placed on one-year probation after admitting that he delivered turkeys laced with rodent feces and hair to schools.
Can y'all beleeve a feller would give turkeys with rat poop to young'uns? What's the world comin to?
Berthahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07603623418793840534noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3131017.post-1073596943942016382004-01-08T13:22:00.000-08:002004-01-08T13:24:06.576-08:00Thanks to Amy over to Fluffy Happy Bunnies fer lovin' us!
Berthahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07603623418793840534noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3131017.post-1073569711384374422004-01-08T05:48:00.000-08:002004-01-08T05:50:13.140-08:00
Happy Birthday to The King!!
Berthahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07603623418793840534noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3131017.post-1073513925646485372004-01-07T14:18:00.000-08:002004-01-07T14:20:26.966-08:00I'm powerful sorry I done disappeared fer a few days but I gots good reazons. I been tryin to make these here ramblin's look good agin and I got us all a new commentation device so y'all can tell us what yer think agin. I surely hope that there Topper feller and his friend Hap finds their ways back here. I surely do miss hearin from them fellers ... and I miss all y'all too!
I also been buzy Berthahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07603623418793840534noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3131017.post-1073267310189554932004-01-04T17:48:00.000-08:002004-01-04T17:50:07.293-08:00I don't usually do them there meme things ceptin fer the friday five when I gits round to it, but this here lady been a good friend to the trailer park so I's gonna do her first four.
Sitcoms with one-word titles:
Roseanne on account it's pert near like bein in the trailer park. I can't think a no others. Only ones I can think of is Beverly Hillbillies and Green Acres.
Movie Musicals:
Grease onBerthahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07603623418793840534noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3131017.post-1073226181724661082004-01-04T06:23:00.000-08:002004-01-04T06:24:38.653-08:00Can y'all beleeve I done made it to these here ramblin's 2 days in a row? It's a might bit hard fer me to beleeve myself. Anyhow, I gots a few news stories fer y'all.
First off, we gots this feller up to Illinois who done changed his name from Raymond Allen Gray Jr to Bubba Bubba Bubba. Course he says he gots his reazons, but I knows and I'm sure y'all knows he just wants to be like Bubba J.
IBerthahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07603623418793840534noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3131017.post-1073149781965698942004-01-03T09:09:00.000-08:002004-01-03T09:11:17.826-08:00I surely hope y'all had right fine holidays. Down here to the trailer park we been a might buzy. That's one a the reasons we ain't been here in a coon's age. But we's hopin to git here more.
Fer now, I gots one news story fer ya'll. A feller over to Sweden done made a might big mistake when he done broke into a house to rob the folks. Seems he couldn't hold it no longer and used the bathroom in Berthahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07603623418793840534noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3131017.post-1072723126278738472003-12-29T10:38:00.000-08:002003-12-29T10:40:15.233-08:00This here is fer Festus Joe on account a he likes midgets and gnomes and whatnot.
Happy new year, ya'll!
Berthahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07603623418793840534noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3131017.post-1072702250341329552003-12-29T04:50:00.000-08:002003-12-29T04:52:18.793-08:00We gots us a new trailer park. Hope we can get to fixin it up and whatnot soon.
Berthahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07603623418793840534noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3131017.post-1059401106486866802003-07-28T07:05:00.000-07:002003-07-28T07:05:06.396-07:00I ain't been here in a coon's age and I gots to pologize fer that. What with the tornados and floods and hurricanes and whatnot, we been havin a bad time down here to the trailer park. But Little King done insisted that I git on this here contrapshun today and say somethin bout his second biggest hero and role model, Bob Hope, up and dyin. It's a sad, sad day fer folks in the good ol' U.S. of A.
Berthahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07603623418793840534noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3131017.post-938671132003-05-06T08:29:00.000-07:002003-05-06T08:29:54.156-07:00Hope y'all had yerselves a happy Sinko da Mio! We spent lots a time tryin to git ready but we didn't git all the fixin's we needed fer our feast. We packed ourselves up into the pickup but on the way down to the Piggly Wiggly we done run out a gas so we never did git there to buy us some torteea chips, so we had to use the Doritos we already done had. They's good an all, but they don't go too Berthahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07603623418793840534noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3131017.post-934763872003-04-29T10:23:00.000-07:002003-04-29T10:23:23.000-07:00Over to Germany, a squirrel done chased a little girl up a tree. The news story don't say how big that there squirrel was, but it must a been some kind a monster to git that little girl so ascared.
Berthahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07603623418793840534noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3131017.post-934065182003-04-28T09:20:00.000-07:002003-04-28T09:20:49.536-07:00Fer all y'all who gots young'uns who wants to be high falutin and go on off to college but y'all don't know how to pay fer it, I found y'all some skolerships. If yer up to New England and fat, here's one. If yer left-handed up to Pennsylvania, here's one. There's even one fer pot smokers. Lordy sakes.
Berthahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07603623418793840534noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3131017.post-933059372003-04-26T11:30:00.000-07:002003-04-26T11:30:20.993-07:00I done found me some more wacky stuff bout them PETA folks. Seems the head a them nut cases, when she dies, wants her skin to be bar-b-qued, her eyeballs to go to some science class so young'uns won't have to disect cow eyeballs and her feet to be umbrella stands. Did y'all need any more proof that them folks is plum crazy?
Berthahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07603623418793840534noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3131017.post-933046182003-04-26T11:00:00.000-07:002003-04-26T11:00:01.120-07:00Here's a nother news story bout a chicken. I wonder why folks would want to steal and hurt that there chicken.
Berthahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07603623418793840534noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3131017.post-933036212003-04-26T10:34:00.000-07:002003-04-26T10:34:48.926-07:00A woman over to England gots a chicken that laid itself a giant egg. She done said they's gonna eat it, but they'll have to have lots a toast to go with it.
Berthahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07603623418793840534noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3131017.post-933028632003-04-26T10:16:00.000-07:002003-04-26T10:16:22.326-07:00The Hatfields and McCoys is at it again. Them folks'll never learn.
Berthahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07603623418793840534noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3131017.post-932553182003-04-25T11:55:00.000-07:002003-04-25T11:55:38.000-07:00Here's a news story bout a feller who named his son after his favrite beer. Comes a time when the mama gots to put her foot down and I know that from experience. Festus Joe wanted to name one a our boys Pabst Blue but I wouldn't go fer that so we settled on Cletus, a right fine name.
Berthahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07603623418793840534noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3131017.post-932550352003-04-25T11:49:00.000-07:002003-04-25T11:49:25.240-07:00What's this world comin to when a feller can't even walk his pet chicken without gettin hisself arrested?
Berthahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07603623418793840534noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3131017.post-932004412003-04-24T14:21:00.000-07:002003-04-24T14:21:45.910-07:00I reckon them PETA folks will use this here news story to show why folks shouldn't be killin mice. My pinion is just on account a one feller bein stupid don't mean other folks can't kill mice the regler way.
Berthahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07603623418793840534noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3131017.post-931982002003-04-24T13:40:00.000-07:002003-04-24T13:40:04.293-07:00Folks up to Montana is fightin bout cow poop.
Berthahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07603623418793840534noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3131017.post-931957132003-04-24T12:51:00.000-07:002003-04-24T12:51:52.210-07:00Over to China, they done started makin beer out a milk. If that ideal works and catches on over to America, mayhaps some a them folks who got laid off from down to the dairy will git called back. Heck, Festus Joe might even want to git off the welfare and go back to work down to the dairy if they was makin beer.
Berthahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07603623418793840534noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3131017.post-931920112003-04-24T11:40:00.000-07:002003-04-24T11:40:10.343-07:00Here's a great big howdy to all you folks who's comin here from that there hockey message board. Course I don't know what y'all are sayin bout us on account a I ain't registered there, but thanks fer comin anyway!
Berthahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07603623418793840534noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3131017.post-931884932003-04-24T10:32:00.000-07:002003-04-24T10:32:09.320-07:00A woman over to Florida stabbed her son in the butt on account a he wouldn't git up fer work. Folks has tried all kinds a way to git Festus Joe up out the bed, but no one never stabbed him -- yet.
Berthahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07603623418793840534noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3131017.post-931355812003-04-23T14:08:00.000-07:002003-04-23T14:08:02.000-07:00I just love the days the newspaper comes out. Course I'm talkin bout The Opelousas County Observer. There's some happy and excitin news in this issue. But there's a powerful tragick story, too. Here it is fer y'all to read:
Roy Bob Llewellyn done got hisself killed when he was pickin up a possum on the side a the road. Police says he was bendin over to git the possum when a feller in a pick-up Berthahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07603623418793840534noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3131017.post-931267472003-04-23T11:25:00.000-07:002003-04-23T11:25:27.706-07:00A feller over to Shanghai done bought hisself 32,000 pairs a shoes in a auckshun and now he can't sell em to no one else. If he can't sell em, why don't he just give em away. There's plenty a folks like Festus Jr. who ain't got no shoes and could use em.
Berthahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07603623418793840534noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3131017.post-931209072003-04-23T09:43:00.000-07:002003-04-23T09:43:06.256-07:00Don't git me rong, I'm all fer ethical treetment a animals, but them folks at PETA is a bit sick in the head, I reckon. They want the town a Hamburg, N.Y., to change its name to Veggieburg. Course Festus Joe gots hisself a opinion on that. He done said maybe the PETA folks didn't give the Hamburg folks enuff choices and mayhaps they'd consider changin the name if it was Meatlessburg or Soyburg. Berthahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07603623418793840534noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3131017.post-931141272003-04-23T07:41:00.000-07:002003-04-23T07:41:37.370-07:00From time to time we get folks comin here to our ramblin's by searchin fer some powerful strange things. Fer instance, someone come here by way a lookin fer jerry springer family sex. Ever once in a while when things like that happen I go over to disturbin search reqwests and tell the folks there bout it. But I done got a reqwest today that was more confusin than disturbin. It was fer Suzanne Berthahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07603623418793840534noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3131017.post-930586062003-04-22T10:48:00.000-07:002003-04-22T10:48:40.563-07:00A feller up to New York done bit a police dog durin a bar fight. The feller said he don't remember it tho on account a he was drunk. Right fine excuse if y'all ask me.
Berthahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07603623418793840534noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3131017.post-930553632003-04-22T09:51:00.000-07:002003-04-22T09:53:04.000-07:00If y'all done thought that down here to the trailer park we wasn't in style and up with the times, y'all are rong and this here news story prooves it. It done says PBR is one a the most popler drinks fer young folks and artists and sports fellers. See? The trailer park is, as the young folks says, cool.
Berthahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07603623418793840534noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3131017.post-930546872003-04-22T09:37:00.000-07:002003-04-22T09:37:23.010-07:00Here's a news story from up to Ohio. A boy was shootin rats in a barn by his house. When he was done, he put the gun down and his cat jumped on it and shot him. Don't fret. The boy's ok. But I reckon it weren't no acksident. I reckon that there cat shot the boy on account a it was mad on account a that boy was shootin the rats and that's the cat's job.
Berthahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07603623418793840534noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3131017.post-930530352003-04-22T09:07:00.000-07:002003-04-22T09:07:13.220-07:00I sware these folks done stole this here ideal from Bosephus. He's been takin pickin's from down to the dump and sellin 'em as ant-teeks fer years.
Berthahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07603623418793840534noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3131017.post-930522052003-04-22T08:51:00.000-07:002003-04-22T08:53:31.000-07:00This here feller done wrote some mighty fine words bout us in his ramblin's.
"I often don't like humor sites that play on stereotypes because they often are so insulting and so amateurish that they only rate a one-time visit. But I ran across one today that looks promising. The names of its characters, the use of the language, the design layout and more tells me it could be the Dave Barry of Berthahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07603623418793840534noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3131017.post-929920932003-04-21T10:19:00.000-07:002003-04-21T10:19:24.860-07:00Seems some kangaroos over to Australia have gone plum crazy on account a they don't got enuff water to drink. Now they's doin all kinds a strange stuff. If y'all ask me, kangaroos is crazy critters anyhow.
Berthahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07603623418793840534noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3131017.post-928500982003-04-18T11:30:00.000-07:002003-04-18T11:31:36.000-07:00Weirdest thing happened to some folks who lives down to a nother trailer here in the trailer park. They done hung up some warshin on the line in front a their trailer then headed on down to the diner. When they got back to the trailer park, their warshin was brung inside and all folded up real nice. But that weren't the only thing. All the empty PBR cans was picked up off a the floor and the Berthahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07603623418793840534noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3131017.post-928474302003-04-18T10:35:00.000-07:002003-04-18T10:35:55.153-07:00If this here ideal works out fer this here feller, we might try it down here to the trailer park and git to be millionaires!
Berthahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07603623418793840534noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3131017.post-927981722003-04-17T13:34:00.000-07:002003-04-17T13:34:38.483-07:00How many times do folks got to be told not to put gunpowder in the kitchen?
Berthahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07603623418793840534noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3131017.post-927309062003-04-16T12:03:00.000-07:002003-04-16T12:16:42.000-07:00Over to Dave Barry's ramblin's I done found a link to this here test bout poop. Go on over and see how much y'all know bout it.
Berthahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07603623418793840534noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3131017.post-926674442003-04-15T12:22:00.000-07:002003-04-15T12:22:02.936-07:00I'm all fer folks doin marathons fer charity. Y'all know what I mean. Some folks walk and some folks run and some folks dance and, well, y'all git the ideal. But this here might be goin a bit too far. Then again, I suppose folks gots to do what they's good at.
Berthahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07603623418793840534noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3131017.post-926003992003-04-14T12:29:00.000-07:002003-04-14T12:29:33.670-07:00Do y'all like lookin at pitchurs a bird poop? If ya do, go right here.
Berthahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07603623418793840534noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3131017.post-925985222003-04-14T11:55:00.000-07:002003-04-14T11:55:59.420-07:00A feller over to India eats glass fer a livin. Eatin the stuff is one thing. I suppose a person could git used to that. But how on God's green earth could y'all ever git used to gittin rid a it? I think that would be powerful painful!
Berthahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07603623418793840534noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3131017.post-924404442003-04-11T10:48:00.000-07:002003-04-11T10:48:25.110-07:00Some priests have been suspended on account a they blessed sex shops and brothels. I don't rightly understand what the problem is and why they done got suspended. If a person likes sex that don't mean they don't like God, so why shouldn't them places be blessed?
Berthahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07603623418793840534noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3131017.post-923776962003-04-10T12:18:00.000-07:002003-04-10T12:18:29.030-07:00A feller over to Germany done had hisself a problem when he was tryin to git to know a woman. When this feller was flirtin at a bar, he dropped his false teeth down her cleavage. That just goes to show y'all it's better to be natural than have them there false teeth.
Berthahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07603623418793840534noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3131017.post-923768792003-04-10T12:04:00.000-07:002003-04-10T12:04:00.903-07:00Y'all ready fer more news? Well, here's a news story, but I can't say much bout it. I'm just powerful glad I ain't a office cleaner in the places this feller broke into.
Berthahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07603623418793840534noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3131017.post-923753072003-04-10T11:33:00.000-07:002003-04-10T11:33:11.546-07:00Here's a news story fer y'all. A jury up to St. Louis done decided a woman should git more'n $6,000 on account a she done got herself a bad hairdo. Course havin that much money would be right fine, but I reckon there's a differnt moral to that there story. Do yer own hair! I'll admit there's certain times, like weddin's and the annual trailer park semi-formal dinner dance and turkey shoot, when Berthahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07603623418793840534noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3131017.post-923070602003-04-09T11:52:00.000-07:002003-04-09T11:53:35.000-07:00This here is just plum weird! Why can folks clean their noses the old-fashuned way? With car keys?
Thanks to Dave Barry fer the link.
Berthahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07603623418793840534noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3131017.post-922426632003-04-08T13:30:00.000-07:002003-04-08T13:30:29.170-07:00I been tellin y'all the world is just goin plum crazy. Well, here's more proof a that. Seems there's a email goin round that shows Kermit the Frog teachin folks how to roll a joint. I'm so disgusted I ain't even got nuthin more to say bout that, and y'all know fer me that's saying somethin.
Berthahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07603623418793840534noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3131017.post-922416632003-04-08T13:13:00.000-07:002003-04-08T13:13:24.140-07:00I got a doozy of a news story fer y'all today. Over to Taiwan, a woman is on the run on account a she cut off her husband's penis and flushed it down the toilet on account a she done thought he was havin a affair. The poor feller is in the hospital and he's ok, 'ceptin the news story don't say if they was able to find his penis in the pipes or whatnot.
Berthahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07603623418793840534noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3131017.post-922296372003-04-08T09:31:00.000-07:002003-04-08T10:41:48.000-07:00I reckon I ain't the smartest woman in the world, but I ain't no dummy neither. After all, I did get me a audishun fer The Weakest Link. And, in case yer wonderin, no matter what y'all done heard, the show bein cancelled had nuthin to do with me and that mean Anne woman gettin into a fight durin my audishun. Anyhow, like I done said, I ain't no dummy, but there's one thing I just don't rightly Berthahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07603623418793840534noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3131017.post-920945292003-04-06T09:37:00.000-07:002003-04-06T09:37:01.623-07:00Me and Festus Joe is all the time tellin Little King that if he wants to be a big star, he better be payin attenshun to what he says to news folks. Here's some true examples a celebrities who say some powerful stupid things. I got these here examples from here.
"I was asked to come to Chicago because Chicago is one of our 52 states."
Raquel Welch on Larry King Live
"Whenever I watch TV and seeBerthahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07603623418793840534noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3131017.post-920923472003-04-06T08:40:00.000-07:002003-04-06T08:40:11.420-07:00Here's a nother news story fer y'all. This here feller must a had a powerful hankerin fer lobster. When he was down to the Piggly Wiggly he must not a had enuff money to pay fer the lobster so he put it in his pants and tried walkin out the door. On account a the lobster was alive, I'm sure y'all can figger out what happened to this feller and his private parts. Alls I can say is I never wanted Berthahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07603623418793840534noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3131017.post-920917772003-04-06T08:24:00.000-07:002003-04-06T08:24:28.170-07:00Course I got some news fer y'all too. A female polar bear in a zoo over to Ireland was bein all cranky so them zoo folks hired scientists to figger out why. Turns out that there bear was stressed out by her mate. On account a that, the zoo folks is movin them bears to a nother zoo so the female bear can have her own space. See? Even polar bears needs privacy once in a while.
Berthahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07603623418793840534noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3131017.post-920911372003-04-06T08:08:00.000-07:002003-04-06T08:08:14.716-07:00On account a it's Sunday, I thought I'd give y'all somethin from the Bible. These here is real essays from real skool students:
The Bible is full of interesting caricatures. In the first book of the Bible, Guinesses, Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree. One of their children, Cain, once asked, "Am I my brother's son?" God asked Abraham to sacrifice Isaac on Mount Montezuma. Jacob, son Berthahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07603623418793840534noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3131017.post-920509672003-04-05T10:56:00.000-08:002003-04-05T10:56:16.280-08:00Most a y'all prolly know that Festus Joe and Bubba J used to work down to the dairy. That's right, they was both perfeshunal teat handlers. Anyhow, on account a they used to work down to the dairy, they was both intrested in this here news story. Accordin to the news story, a 17-year-old cow by the name a Granny produced 429,132 pounds a milk in her lifetime. Just how much milk is that? It's Berthahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07603623418793840534noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3131017.post-920440072003-04-05T08:04:00.000-08:002003-04-05T08:04:24.403-08:00Down here to the trailer park we's supposed to be gettin some thunderstorms fer the next few days. Sometimes I git ascared during them storms, but Little King just loves em. He pertends the lightnin is spotlights and the thunder is folks clappin durin his show. That boy just loves rehearsin his Elvis tribute show durin thunderstorms.
Berthahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07603623418793840534noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3131017.post-920431802003-04-05T07:44:00.000-08:002003-04-05T07:44:52.403-08:00There's a powerful weird news story over to South Africa. Some folks thinks that a dog done give birth to kittens on account a witchcraft. Scientists is doin tests to figger out what happened. Well, I'll tell y'all what happened. The world is just goin plum crazy!
Berthahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07603623418793840534noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3131017.post-920425592003-04-05T07:28:00.000-08:002003-04-05T07:28:59.110-08:00Over to Taiwan, some smart young'uns got themselves some skolerships. But they didn't get no money. They got pigs instead. Call me plum crazy, but I'd rather have me the money. Course Bosephus would be happy with the pigs. He loves him some pigs.
Berthahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07603623418793840534noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3131017.post-920422422003-04-05T07:20:00.000-08:002003-04-05T07:20:16.890-08:00I don't rightly know what to think bout this here news story. Seems a feller gots a parrot who sounds just like his wife when it talks. But his wife done died 5 years ago. This feller told the news folks that "Spike sounds exactly like her when he talks. If you close your eyes, she could be in the room with you." Like I done said, I don't rightly know what to think, ceptin I don't know if I couldBerthahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07603623418793840534noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3131017.post-920062162003-04-04T13:44:00.000-08:002003-04-04T13:44:06.436-08:00Here's a nother news story fer y'all, and Lordy sakes alive, is it ever a doozy! Over to Italy, police found a nativity scene made out a cocaine! Can y'all even imagine that?!?! I know it ain't in the 10 commandments or the Bible or whatnot, but I reckon makin the baby Jesus out a cocaine is one a them things that'll make sure folks don't get into heaven.Berthahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07603623418793840534noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3131017.post-920030172003-04-04T12:39:00.000-08:002003-04-04T12:39:29.590-08:00Here's another news story fer y'all, and it's one that ol' Festus Joe'll take a likin to I reckon. Down to Equador, folks is seein a little green feller walkin down the street. Now, y'all might think they's seein a space alien who got hisself lost. But that ain't it atall. Folks is sayin it's a gnome, which is just a fancy word fer a midget. I'm sure y'all know how Festus Joe likes his midgets. Berthahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07603623418793840534noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3131017.post-920003492003-04-04T11:48:00.000-08:002003-04-04T11:48:29.090-08:00I gots a news story fer y'all. Down to Chili some folks thinks vampires is killin chickens. This happened after 200 chickens was found with no blood. One a the farmers done said "Some say it was a vampire and others that it was an alien." I reckon them folks'll be contactin Festus Joe soon seein as he's a expert on space aliens and vampires.
Berthahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07603623418793840534noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3131017.post-919957442003-04-04T10:22:00.000-08:002003-04-04T10:22:36.856-08:00I ain't done a friday five in a coon's age, so I thought it was bout time I done one.
1.How many houses/apartments have you lived in throughout your life?
I only lived in 2 trailers in my life. One was my mama and daddy's. Then when I was 13 and fixin to marry Festus Joe, he done bought us a almost new trailer and we been here ever since.
2.Which was your favorite and why?
This here trailer is Berthahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07603623418793840534noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3131017.post-919273942003-04-03T10:15:00.000-08:002003-04-03T10:15:28.326-08:00I got me a email and someone asked "What's wrong with you people?" Well, I just figgered they didn't git round to readin all a our ramblin's and whatnot to find out, so I did my best to answer the qwestion. Then I figgered that since we got a heap a ramblin's and whatnot fer new visitaters to look thru, mayhaps I should just tell y'all what I done wrote in that there email just to help out the Berthahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07603623418793840534noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3131017.post-918609642003-04-02T11:24:00.000-08:002003-04-02T11:24:48.093-08:00Police over to England done arrested a 3 year old boy fer throwin stones at cars. They can't charge him with nuthin on account a he's too young, but it'll be on his record ferever.
By now, y'all knows how I likes me some critter stories. Well, here's one fer y'all from up to Wisconsin. Seems a feller was drivin along the road when a turkey flew through the front window of the car then landed Berthahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07603623418793840534noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3131017.post-917883482003-04-01T11:36:00.000-08:002003-04-01T11:36:22.403-08:00I ain't gonna do no April Fool's jokes on y'all today on account a the regler news is funny enuff already. Fer example, a feller over to Austria got runned over by his own car. Seems he started his car, then went back inside his house to get his cell phone. When he come back out, the car was movin, so he throwed hisself in front a it to stop it, but he got runned over instead. Seems to me a Berthahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07603623418793840534noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3131017.post-917254142003-03-31T11:29:00.000-08:002003-03-31T11:29:21.216-08:00Seems a critter who won a dog show might not be able to keep his title on account a folks think he done had a face lift and that's against the rules. The weirdest thing bout the whole mess is that the dog don't even live in Hollywood.
Berthahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07603623418793840534noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3131017.post-916560802003-03-30T09:34:00.000-08:002003-03-30T09:34:28.436-08:00I ain't got any news fer y'all today on account a I ain't had time to look on account a Festus Joe been sick. He done thought he had that new namonia, SARS. But now he thinks it just might be that old case a TB actin up agin. We ain't heard a no one from Louisiana gettin SARS though, so Festus Joe's case would be wrote up in all the newspapers if that's what he gots. The welfare don't pay fer Berthahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07603623418793840534noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3131017.post-916150822003-03-29T11:53:00.000-08:002003-03-29T11:53:15.860-08:00I gots lots a news fer y'all today. First off, there's a feller over to England who done caused a heap a damage at some stores while he was only wearin his underpants. When the feller was in court, he wouldn't talk to the judge or no one, so them folks still don't know why he done that. Well, I reckon there's a simple explanashun. He didn't have no money to buy hisself no trousers, so he had to Berthahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07603623418793840534noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3131017.post-915706372003-03-28T14:20:00.000-08:002003-03-28T14:20:31.170-08:00I don't use a dickshunary much on account a I don't rightly understand how y'all are supposed to look up a word if y'all don't know how to spell it. Anyhow, I just done read that bling bling been added to some new dickshunary. I done read it means expensive jewelry that's easy to notice. But whenever I hear it I always thinks a the sound when Festus Joe throws his cans fer recyclin into the pile.Berthahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07603623418793840534noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3131017.post-915699112003-03-28T14:05:00.000-08:002003-03-28T14:06:44.000-08:00I surely did miss y'all when I was away from this here contrapshun. And, Lordy sakes! A lot sure has happened since I been gone. I ain't gonna put nuthin in these here ramblin's bout how I feels bout the war though. I got lots a feelin's and thoughts on it, but this here ain't one a them war blogs like Tom Brokaw done talked bout on his show last night. This here is just a place fer our ramblin'sBerthahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07603623418793840534noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3131017.post-899605322003-03-01T09:54:00.000-08:002003-03-01T09:54:50.576-08:00Well y'all I'll be away from this here ramblin's fer a few days. I gots to head on up to Ohio to help out my sister Terri Mae take care a her kids on account a she's recoverin from surgery. I don't rightly recall how many kids she gots now. I reckon it might be 8 or 9 by now. Anyhow, when I'm gone I hope Festus Joe can git hisself up out the bed and put somethin in these here ramblin's. Or maybe Berthahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07603623418793840534noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3131017.post-899604192003-03-01T09:51:00.000-08:002003-03-01T09:51:07.810-08:00I just wanted to welcome Bloggin Bubba to the world a bloggin, or as we calls it, our ramblin's. Near as I can figger, Bubba is a cat who gots his own ramblin's. I wonder how they done teached a cat to do that.
Berthahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07603623418793840534noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3131017.post-898543832003-02-27T11:32:00.000-08:002003-02-27T11:32:54.030-08:00A feller over to the Phillipines done cut off his penis to prove to his wife he weren't cheatin on her. They ain't lived together fer 3 years, but he wants her back. Now, I ain't no genyus or nuthin, but ain't that like the old sayin "cuttin off yer nose to spite yer face?"
Berthahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07603623418793840534noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3131017.post-898541612003-02-27T11:28:00.000-08:002003-02-27T11:28:37.000-08:00Festus Joe and Little King don't even know what to think bout this. They's so excited they don't even know what to do. I surely hope they can come up with enuff money to buy some a The King's hair. Festus Joe is countin on it. Now he just gots to find the right place a honor to put it inside this here trailer.
Berthahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07603623418793840534noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3131017.post-897916682003-02-26T12:17:00.000-08:002003-02-26T12:23:38.000-08:00I wouldn't see nuthin wrong with this atall ceptin' the judge used duck tape to tape this feller's mouth closed. Duck tape?!?!?!? Y'all can't be goin round wastin duck tape, yer honor! It's so powerful important to our national defense y'all gots to only use it when absolutely necessary!!
I reckon if the trailer park do start sinkin and we gots to think bout movin away, we could head out up to Berthahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07603623418793840534noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3131017.post-897212032003-02-25T09:27:00.000-08:002003-02-25T09:27:06.966-08:00Some folks says California might brake off into the ocean if a big nuff earthquake hits. Well, I just done read right here that Louisiana is sinkin into the Mississippi River. Now what's we gonna do. Only relashuns we got outside Louisiana is Bubba J's relashuns out to California. As if I don't got enuff to worry bout. Now I gots to worry bout what to do if the trailer park sinks.
Berthahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07603623418793840534noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3131017.post-896537612003-02-24T09:37:00.000-08:002003-02-24T09:37:07.390-08:00I don't rightly recall last time I told y'all bout mooses over to Norway givin folks some troubles, but seems them mooses is up to more mischief. This time, a moose done fell off a cliff and onto a feller's car. The driver weren't hurt, but the moose died. Poor critter.
Over to Germany, a feller was tryin to get some stuck cigarettes outta a machine when the dag burn machine done went and fell Berthahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07603623418793840534noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3131017.post-895116162003-02-21T11:10:00.000-08:002003-02-21T11:10:38.160-08:00Seems some smart pimp fellers over to Bulgaria found a way to make money off a American troops. They's sendin busloads a prostitutes to welcome them boys overseas. Ain't that sweet?
Over to New Zealand a dog was missin fer 10 hours after he got picked up by a tornado. That dog's Mamma done said "He came home at five this morning pretty shaken up. If only he could talk." I reckon that there dog Berthahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07603623418793840534noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3131017.post-894446412003-02-20T10:04:00.000-08:002003-02-20T10:04:18.693-08:00Today I gots some news from right down here to Louisiana. Seems a feller got hisself arrested fer feelin feet. I reckon Louisiana is a purty good place to be if y'all like feelin feet on account a so many folks don't got no shoes. Just ask Festus Jr.
Berthahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07603623418793840534noreply@blogger.com0