My Trailer is Bigger than Your Trailer

Smithsonian Factoid- 10% of all Americans live in Trailer Parks.

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Saturday, July 05, 2008

I know we ain't been on this here contraption fer a coon's age but, lordy, I couldn't not tell y'all bout Hurricane Bertha!

posted by Bertha on 4:06 AM | (0) comments

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ Saturday, August 18, 2007

What's Been Happ'n

Well, y'all we finally did move out the old trailer park, but we's still in Louisiana. Couldn't move outta the best state in the union! But only me and Little King and Cletus T. done moved on account a we don't know where Festus Joe is. Course we reckon he got took by them space aliens again. No other reason we can come up with that he'd just up and disappear on us. And we reckon that's where Boshephus went too. He was makin fun a ol' Festus bout bein took by the space aliens, then Bosephus up and disappeared same time ol' Festus Joe done did! So, me and Little King and Cletus T. had to move on account a there's just too many memries a Festus at the old trailer park. But Bubba J and Thelma Jo is still there so if them space aliens ever does bring him back, they can tell him where we is.

posted by Bertha on 7:58 AM | (0) comments

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ Thursday, August 16, 2007

Fer Criminy Sakes!

I gots to tell all y'all that we been buzier 'an a one-legged man in a arse kickin contest, but that ain't no excuse for not gettin on to this here contrapshun and keepin all y'all up to date. I will tell all y'all, tho, that I sure did miss comin here and puttin our ramblin's up fer the whole world to see.

But I reckon I picked a good -- and sad -- day to come back. I'm sure all y'all know today is the 30-year anniversary of The King's passin. Little King is puttin on one a his speshul shows in the cortyard a the new trailer park tonight. These folks here ain't never seen one a his shows and, Lord A'mighty, is they in fer a treat!

I'm sure all y'all are askin about the new trailer park. Next time I gets back on this here contrapshun, I'll update all y'all on why we had to move and what's been goin on with the Sharks and their kin and friends. Fer now, just be happy knowin we's all still alive and well.

posted by Bertha on 6:57 AM | (0) comments

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ Wednesday, August 17, 2005

Here We Is!

I reckon y'all are thinkin we just up and moved out the trailer park. Well, I'm tellin' y'all we's still here and I gots an explanashun bout why we ain't been here to our ramblin's in more 'an a coon's age.

In case some a y'all was thinkin we got blowed away in one a them there hurricanes, let me put yer minds at ease. We must live in the luckiest trailer park in all a Louisiana on account a none a the trailers here got moved or nothin.

Be that as it may, I gots some bad news bout Bosephus. Them hurricanes didn't hit the trailer park but they up and picked up all the trash from down to the dump and, well, there just ain't no dump here no more. We tried talkin Bosephus into gettin on the welfare like ol' Festus Joe done did but he weren't havin none a that. He done said he likes digging round in the dump and findin treasures he likes to clean up and sell to old, rich women as ant-teeks. So, he done moved bout 50 miles from here, closer to a nother dump. On account a he don't have one a these here computin contraptions in his own trailer, he can't get to these here ramblin's.

Bubba J and Thelma Jo ain't been able to git to these here ramblin's on account a they been buzy takin care a Festus Jr., Jeb the Stutterin Boy, the Little Missionary Girl and, a course, Cletus T. Course Cletus T. don't take much carin for on account a bein like one a them boy in the plastic bubble kids, ceptin he ain't gonna git no bigger.

Anyhow, they been takin care a all the kids on a account a me and Festus Joe been out on the road with Little King and his Tour fer the Troops. At first we thought just Festus Joe could go and I could stay here to the trailer park but, with Festus Joe never knowin when he's gonna be down in his back, we done thought it would be best if I was on the tour too. We gots us a break fer a week so I'm usin it to catch ya'll up on what's goin on down here to the trailer park. The break will be good fer Festus Joe too. He can give them eyes a his a rest after them been so googly over Ann-Margaret and Joey Heatherton. They's takin turns bein on tour with Little King.

Well, I gots to go now but we'll be back soon. The Tour fer the Troops ends soon. But we might be back fore then on account a Ann-Margaret done said she was thinkin bout gettin us a contraption called a laptop or some such thing that we can take with us on tour. That Ann-Margaret is a right fine lady. No wonder Elvis was sweet on her.

posted by Bertha on 4:21 AM | (1) comments

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ Thursday, April 21, 2005

Still here

It's been purt near a coon's age since I been here to our ramblin's so I got me to thinkin that I best let y'all know all is well down to the trailer park.

We hopes to be her more reglar one a these days but we ain't quite sure when.

Keep comin back, tho, on account a y'all never knows when we'll be here.s

posted by Bertha on 3:41 PM | (1) comments

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ Saturday, March 19, 2005

Back agin

I gots to pologize agin fer not bein here fer more'n a coon's age but we just gots us lots a stuff goin on down to trailer park. But I promise we's goin to try to get here more regular from now on.

Onto some news fer y'all.

Over to Australia a minister feller aims to give his services nekkid. I reckon that gives new meanin to "barin yer soul fer the Lord."

Then, over to Holland, a feller got hisself arrested fer sleepin in old graves. Lordy sakes alive. If the feller ain't got no place else to sleep, just let him be if he ain't hurtin no one!

posted by Bertha on 7:07 AM | (0) comments

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ Thursday, September 23, 2004

We's back!

Thanks to them right fine and smart folks at blogger support we's back. I reckon we's gonna be here much as we can be with all them hurricanes hitting us every couple a weeks. But we's all fine and dandy down here to the trailer park. Seems ol' Frances and Ivan didn't want no part a us. But we's still got our fingers crossed hopin Jeanne and Karl don't come down to the trailer park neither.

posted by Bertha on 3:21 PM | (2) comments


"I handle teats. Therefore I am..."
-Bubba J

"Folks who lives in trailer parks is the backbone a this great Nation."
-Bertha Mae Shark

Come Visitate Us!

email Bertha Mae

I a in't in no way affilitated
with no one by the name a
trailer_park_honey. She's a liar and a thief.
That don't mean I'm sayin nuthin bad bout this here lady who's a right fine singer.

Email Festus Joe